Six Months of ManLove
by Houkakyou
Summary: Sasuke and Naruto left on a long-term mission months ago, and Sakura's been waiting for her hot hunk of Uchiha to return ever since. But now they're back, and Naruto's carrying a little surprise...literally.
1. Sexy Hunk of Totally Gay

Edit: 10/13/09: Wow, this got over 400 hits on its first eight hours. I'm...kind of scared.

**A/N: Oh, this was such fun to write. Total crack, of course, but such fun. I've never written Sakura in any length before, and definitely never written team seven as a whole before, so hopefully I kept up to standard. This is loosely based off of a comic by the dA artist cuito (It's called 'Cry'), so go check it out!  
Please review – I live off of your awesome comments and ravings just like you live off of mine!**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or anything associated with it, including…no, that would spoil the surprise.

**Six Months of Man-Love  
Chapter One**

**Sexy Hunk of Totally Gay  
**

**-**

"Oh. My. God!"

Sakura sighed and covered her ears. _What now? _It was obviously Ino – who else had such an annoyingly high-pitched scream but her best friend and eternal rival in all things love?

Swinging around, she headed in the direction of Ino's voice – the hospital lobby. At least this way she could tell her friend off for yelling in a hospital. Skirting around an occupied stretcher and narrowly avoiding crashing into a young nurse wielding a clipboard nervously, she pushed open the swinging doors and closed her eyes in a contented grin.

"Ino, I've told you time and time again not to yell in the hospital. I don't care _what _you're doing, get out. Don't disturb the patients."

"But-but Sakura! They're back from their long-term mission! And-and… Oh, I just can't believe it!_"_

_They? Oh! Sasuke and Naruto! Sasuke! Sasuuukeeeee! He's back?_ She opened her eyes to take in her (hopefully sweaty and panting) first and forever love in all his glory, arms out, beckoning to her to fall into his embrace and comfort him after his six-month-long mission out in the wilderness.

It took a second for what she was seeing to register.

Sasuke…Her beloved Sasuke, epitome of all things masculine and delicious and sexy and heterosexual, was caressing a man. But not just any man. No, he was lavishing kisses on an equally passionate blond idiot whose face her fist seemed to have some sort of magnetic attraction to.

_Bang._

And that would be the blond idiot crashing into a wall across the lobby, prompted by her special Sakura Punch.

Stalking over to Naruto and hovering above him, she took a huge breath in preparation for the loudest rant she'd ever had the inclination to scream at the most annoying, unpredictable guy in the world. But a split second before she started yelling, a hand covered her mouth and its friend, a black-clothed leg, came up and rammed into her stomach, sending _her _into the opposite wall of the lobby right over the receptionist's desk. Her vision hazy but her body fairly intact – the hit was obviously not meant to hurt her, just push her away – she crawled out of the hole and stood up only to hear Sasuke's beautiful lilting manly voice cry out in worry and anger.

"Sakura! What the hell do you think you're doing to Naru-chan and Sasu-Junior?! This is assault! I'll kill you if anything happens to them!"

Brushing off some of the plaster dust that had settled on her red shirt, she ran over to the two and pulled Naruto up by the collar of his shirt. "Naruto! What did you do to Sasuke? And who is Sasu-fucking-junior?!"

Naruto peered up at her through dark lashes and whimpered, his hands moving forward to protect his stomach.

Sakura stilled when she felt a dark, murderous presence next to her and a cold hand on her shoulder. "Sakura…If this is how you treat an expecting couple, then I don't think you're suitable to work in a hospital."

_Sasuke?_ What did he mean, 'expecting'?

Confused and more than a little scared of the killer intent emanating off the Uchiha at her side, her eyes drifted back down to Naruto slowly and came to rest on his shaking hands.

Or, more accurately, what his shaking hands were covering protectively.

A round stomach.  
Couple.  
Expecting.

"The fuck?! Naruto! That's impossible! Men don't get pregnant!" She jerked back and released her blond teammate, stepping away.

"Sakura, are you telling me that an Uchiha cannot achieve the impossible? That we cannot do things others would never even dream of?" Sasuke's aura flipped in a second from morbidly menacing to cuddly and passionate as he hugged Naruto gently, placing a delicate kiss on the blonde's forehead. "Because I've proven you wrong. Naruto is carrying my little Sasu-junior, the heir to _our_ clan. And do you want to know how we did it?" He turned to face the stricken pink-haired kunoichi with a devious grin stretching from ear to ear. "Six months of sexy, steamy man-love."

Sakura's scream and the sound of running feet echoed in the hospital hallways long after she'd exited the building, running to a safe place far away from insane men.

--

Back in the main lobby, Naruto smirked stretched, pushing away from his black haired sex bomb.

"Think we turned her gay? 'Cause that was the best prank I've ever played on _anyone. _And that's saying something, dattebayo!"

Sasuke chuckled and stepped toward Naruto.

"Get over here. Unless you want to walk around with that under your shirt all day?"

Naruto sighed. "Maybe I should. You know, just so we can reinforce the joke… She'd freak."

"She _did_ freak, dobe. Now come on. We have a Hokage to report to and a little Sasu-junior to make."

"Yeah, yeah, teme, I – _What?! I thought that was just a joke!"_

Sasuke smiled, long and low, before putting out a hand and beckoning Naruto closer with one sexy finger.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

And for the second time that day, the hospital witnessed the sound of running feet and an echoing cry of fear as a scared ninja ran to seek shelter.

--

Back in the lobby, the last Uchiha smirked to himself.

_Best. Prank. Ever._

_--_

_-_

A/N: LolYES. Review? Pretty please?


	2. The Aftermath

**A/N: Hey guys! I know you didn't expect a second chapter, but hey. The first was so well received that I couldn't resist. I just hope it's up to the standard of the original oneshot. (By the way, kudos to my best friend ErotikkuSennin for giving me some helpful advice for the end of this chapter.) I don't plan on writing more chapters to accompany this (although conceivably, I certainly could), but if I have enough positive feedback and inspiration I might. Tell me if you want more in your review, okay? (hint, hint)**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or anything associated with it, including karma. You know he deserves it.

**Six**** Months of Man-Love  
Chapter Two**

**The Aftermath  
-**

Sakura trudged along the road, dragging her feet in the dust and kicking at a nonexistent speck of dirt once in a while.

Okay, so maybe it _was _existent, considering she was following the dirt road that lead through most of Konoha, but she wasn't really kicking at anything in particular. She was just trying to let out some steam because she was fed up with boys that had a penchant for idiotic actions. Like charging headfirst into battle. And going to an evil snaky missing-nin for power. And getting other men pregnant.

_Oh, please. Stop rambling, _she admonished herself. _You're just pissed off that Naruto got to Sasuke before you did._

**That's not true, and you know it, pinky.**

_Inner?_

She was surprised. Inner used to be totally involved in everything concerning Sasuke, but nowadays she had pulled out and just ignored Sakura most of the time. Sakura didn't really understand it, but she had been so busy with hospital work that she had just ignored the problem, pushing Inner further and further into the depths of her subconscious. So it was more than a little odd that the headstrong personality had forced its way back into her conscious now, after being left out for so long.

**You're trying to fool yourself into believing that you like Sasuke more than Naruto anymore.**

_What-what's that supposed to mean?!_ She spluttered haltingly, confused and embarrassed that she was questioning herself about Sasuke. Because she was, in essence, calling into light a problem that she had always agreed with herself on. And now, she was split.

So who was wrong? The Sakura on the outside, who was weak but intelligent? Or the Sakura on the inside, the prideful, forceful person who never concealed her innermost thoughts and feelings?

**You know I'm right, so get up and face the truth. You're not pissed that Naruto got to Sasuke before you did. You're pissed that **_**Sasuke **_**got to **_**Naruto**_** before you did.**

_Whaaat?_

She could almost see Inner smiling smugly at her.

**You know that I'm right. You've liked Naruto ever since he came back from training with Jiraiya. Own up to your feeling and face the facts, pinky. **

_The facts?_

**Yeah. Naruto is **_**hot**_**, with a double 't'. And kind. And caring. And protective. And sweet. And…**_**mostly**_**…responsible. And he never lies. And he always stays true to his word. And-**

Now_ who's the one rambling? It sound like yooouuv'e got a cruuush~ _Sakura sang to her Inner. So _this_ was the reason Inner had stopped supporting her over Sasuke. Inner liked _Naruto_.

**Face the facts, girlie. I'm **_**you**_**. If I like Naruto, **_**you**_** like Naruto. But anyway, I never said you like him more than Sasuke. I just said that you didn't like Sasuke more than Naruto.**

_What's that supposed to mean?_

**It means that you're trying to hide that you aren't pissed off because one got the other before you had the chance…In fact, you aren't pissed off at all.**

_Inner…_She warned. _You're not making any sense…_

**Alright. I'll lay it out clearly for you.**

_Yes?_

**You thought they were hot together.**

_I…did?_

Sakura let the thought fly around her mind, debating to herself whether Inner was speaking the truth.  
Wait, who was she kidding? She never lied to herself. Inner always spoke the truth.

_I did._

The pinkette let a devious smirk cover her face and turned around, heading back in the direction of the hospital.

---

Naruto cowered on the smooth stone, worn by years of the same orange-clad butt sitting in the exact same place and position every time something confused or scared him. Nowadays, it was mostly confusion that brought him to his secret place on top of the Fourth's head, nestled between two strands of hair, but he still had his head on his knees, arms wrapped around his legs, same as ever.

And _oh man _was he confused.

Sasuke…the Sasuke that he had been friends with since the age of six…the Sasuke that was not only his friend, but _best_ friend… the Sasuke that he'd trusted, protected, and almost _died _a thousand times for…_literally…_ liked him.

Loved him.

_Loved_ him.  
Loved _him._

He could say it a million times over in his head and a billion different ways, in a trillion different scenarios. But none were as shocking as what had actually happened.

"_She __did__ freak, dobe. Now come on. We have a Hokage to report to and a little Sasu-junior to make."_

"_Yeah, yeah, teme, I – __What?! I thought that was just a joke!"_

_Sasuke smiled, long and low, before putting out a hand and beckoning Naruto closer with one sexy finger._

Ooooh…that finger…

Naruto smiled embarrassedly.

He wanted that finger. He wouldn't say _where_ it was that he wanted it, but he _wanted_ that finger. And the rest of the sexy bastard named Sasuke Uchiha.

That firm chest…those muscled legs…that warm grin that very few people could bring out, Naruto himself one of them…that drool-worthy face that had the majority of their female peers chasing after him for his entire life…

_But I'm not gay, because I still like Sakura-chan._

Realization flooded throughout Naruto.

_I'm bisexual. That's gotta be it._

_I'll accept Sasuke with all my heart. I'll give him the love that he's been craving ever since his clan was killed. I'll sex him up until he can see nothing but me in his future._

The blond let a devious smirk cover his face as he stood up, jumping off the monument and heading back in the direction of the hospital.

---

Sasuke leaned against the wall of the lobby with his hands in his pockets, smirking as he watched the Nara frantically trying to revive his blond airhead of a teammate. It appeared that they had a mission, and Ino couldn't exactly accompany the rest of Team Ten if she was out cold on the floor.

He smirked. He could easily wake her up, but… Well, that would ruin the moment. She had fainted instead of following Sakura and Naruto out the door earlier, so _technically_ it was his fault…but too bad. Uchihas didn't deal in technicalities.  
Letting his eyes drift closed, he turned his attention to two rapidly moving chakras headed for the door to the hospital.

_Hmm? I wonder who-_

His train of thought was cut off along with all other conversation and noise in the lobby as the hospital doors slammed apart thunderously. Cracking open his eyes as the silence persisted, he was surprised to see that his friends (and victims of a wonderfully executed prank) had returned. They stood, panting, each with one hand holding a door open, their eyes staring a hole through…him.

_I suppose Naruto's told Sakura it was a prank and now they've come back for revenge, huh... I knew this couldn't last forever. _

Or more than ten minutes.

He braced himself as they took deep breaths and then simultaneously yelled, "I'm sorry I ran away! We can continue now! I accept this with all my heart!"

Sasuke blinked.  
And blinked again.  
And felt his jaw hit the ground.

Naruto and Sakura finally seemed to notice each other and decided to greet their counterparts pleasantly.

"Hello, Naruto. I've come to realize that you two are _totally hot_ together, and I give my blessings as long as I can watch."

Naruto seemed to contemplate this for a while, and then grinned at her happily. "Well, I've realized that Sasuke is totally hot, and if he wants me I am _so _with him, and since I'm not sharing…well, I think you deserve something, too. So feel free!" He seemed satisfied with his proclamation and started toward Sasuke determinedly. "Sasuke! I accept your love with all my heart and return it thousandfold! We can finally be together!"

Sasuke stiffened and backed up against the wall to shy away from the sunny ninja on a lovepath toward him.

Sakura watched greedily in the background as the raven's eyes widened and he gulped.

_Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all, seeing as this is total hell. Do I have sucky karma or what? And how do I fucking _avoid him _and _deny him _and _get out of here_????_

"Well," said a little voice in his ear, "You could always…_accept_ him…and start having some hot, steamy man-love…."

He frowned. His inner voice didn't normally sound so…_girly._

"You know you want to…"

_No, I don't want to! I-I-GAH! NO!_

Narrowly dodging Naruto's open arms and running like a scared cat with its tail fluffed out, he jumped around Sakura and disappeared out the door, leaving a trail of dust in his wake.

---

Ino giggled from her place against the wall – her vantage point for whispering in Sasuke's ear. "He _so_ had that coming! I never knew pranking was so much fun!"

Naruto and Sakura turned to her, confused.

"What prank? We were serious."


	3. Of Teapots and Body Types

**A/N: Wow, this just…came out. (Yeah, I know that sounds wrong, but it really did. I was on a roll!) I'm slowly becoming accustomed to the humor-ish feeling of the story; it's very different from my totally serious-ish feeling for Breaking Point (KakaIta for those who don't know. I highly recommend it *shameless plug *). I think that's why this is easier to write…I can just write what I feel like will fit, instead of trying to restrain the plot to something specific.  
Okay, okay, I know you want to go ahead and read it…so go ahead and read, and remember to review! **

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or anything associated with it, including girly guys. (coughitachideidaracough)

**Six Months of Man-Love****  
****Chapter Three**

**Of Teapots and Body Types**

**-**

Ino sighed and placed her hand over her eyes. "This…isn't a prank on Sasuke-kun in revenge or anything?"

Naruto raised his eyebrow skeptically. "No, and I can't believe you thought it was. I guess you are just a dumb blonde after all."

Sakura nodded in agreement and crossed her arms. "It's a shame that you have so little faith in us, Ino-pig."

The Yamanaka heir gaped. "Excuse me? Naruto, for one, that's the pot calling the kettle black. And Sakura, it's hard to have faith in completely unpredictable things!"

Naruto raised the other eyebrow. "My teapot is silver, thank you very much. I would never use something as ugly as a black teapot to brew my precious ramen. Of course, orange would be best, but I haven't managed to find one in a shop yet and Teuchi-jii refuses to let me buy his…"

Sakura perked up interestedly, completely ignoring Ino's undignified snort. "Teuchi-san has an orange teapot?"

"Yup! It's actually a limited edition – that's the reason he didn't want to sell it, see – Icha Icha Paradise functioning collectible. Kakashi-sensei's been after it for forever, though, so he'll probably get it first…" Naruto looked off to the side, downcast. "But ramen will triumph over all!" He exclaimed, fist pumping the air.

"Naruto, it's supposed to be '_love _triumphs over all'!" Sakura whacked her orange-clad teammate on the arm lightly.

"Well, that, too…" He looked off into space wistfully, imagining all the obstacles his love for Sasuke could triumph over. "Angst…Itachi…Last names…Long absences…Kyuubi…Orochimaru…"

Ino decided that she'd heard enough. If she had to put up with her friends' craziness, she'd make the situation a little more bearable. Hey, a little teasing made everything better, right?

"But Naruto, what if Jiraiya-sama sees you two together and decides to write a book with you guys as the main characters?"

Naruto stiffened and gulped audibly. "Ero-sennin… He would, too…"

Sakura grinned internally. _And I would be the first one to buy it. I would even help him spy on them. Oh sweet mother of god YES._

Their attention was diverted from thought of how many sex positions Jiraiya could dream up for a male couple – sorry, that was Sakura; Ino and Naruto were caught up in thoughts of all the different ways they would kill the old sannin if he ever published it – when the hospital doors banged open and a certain one-eyed jounin strode lazily through, orange book held in front of his face.

"I noticed Sasuke running away from here like a pack of fangirls was chasing him. What happened?"

Ino groaned. "Naruto professed his undying love for him and Sakura informed him that she wanted to watch the two of them get it on…do each other…make sweet love… Whatever term you prefer. It's no wonder that he was scared." She grumbled to herself, shooting glares at her two brightly-colored friends.

Kakashi lowered the book from its place over his face and appeared genuinely surprised. "Why'd it take them so long? I've been trying to avoid the flames of their unresolved sexual tension since I met you guys way back when." Turning from Naruto to Ino, he continued. "I don't know how you haven't seen it, Ino; it's extremely obvious. Naruto acts like an idiot around Sasuke – the normal reaction from a boy around a girl they like – "

"Seriously? Sakura interrupted brightly. "I thought that that was directed at me! Everything makes sense now!"

Kakashi grinned under his mask and began the rest of his explanation. "And Sasuke acts cooler than he actually is in order to impress Naruto; normal behavior for a girl trying to get a guy she likes to notice or like her."

Sakura and Ino had expressions of complete understanding on their faces. Why hadn't they seen it sooner? But…

"Umm…Kakashi-san…" Ino started confusedly. "Why is Sasuke-kun the girl? He's _soo _much more masculine than Naruto."

Kakashi lowered his book even more, staring solemnly at Ino as if stunned by her lack of knowledge. "Ino…Have you not seen either of them naked before?"

The purple-clad blonde spluttered. "What do you mean? Of course I haven't!" She paused and looked at Sakura and the jounin sensei suspiciously. "Why, have you?"

Sakura answered her matter-of-factly. "Of course I have. We're teammates, and there's not always enough room for me to have my own changing area on missions…and I'm not exactly about to waste a prime opportunity. If they're changing in front of me, I am _so_ looking."

Ino slapped her forehead as Naruto shuffled away from his pink haired teammate, fear evident on his features. "Okay, so we've confirmed that you've seen them naked." She stopped and looked around shiftily, lowering her voice a notch so Naruto wouldn't be able to hear. "…How big are they?"

Sakura snorted in response. "That, you'll have to see for yourself. It's too surprising; you won't believe it if I tell you myself."

Ino turned away, grumbling. "Oh, fine. But you still have to tell me why Sasuke-kun, in all his cool, magnificent manliness, is the _girl_."

Kakashi ran a hand through his wayward hair and took a long breath. "Ino…If you ever _do_ get a look at them naked and have a chance to compare, you'll see that Sasuke is thin and wiry…pale and unblemished…cold and beautiful… In other words, a typical kunoichi. Except paler, thanks to his Uchihalicious heritage. Itachi was the same way, see? But Naruto… He's tan and muscled, ruggedly handsome, lean, and full of foolish courage. Very manly, ne?"

Naruto, who had remained uncharacteristically quiet throughout the conversation, piped up happily. "But Kakashi-sensei, you're thin, wiry, pale, and at least part Uchiha - 'cause of the Sharingan, - right? So are _you_ the girl, too?"

Kakashi rolled his eye and prepared a retort. "Naruto, I am lean. Not wiry. And while I may be pale, I am not part Uchiha. I came about my Sharingan…a different way. And _if_ that were true - which it isn't - I would only be the girl if I were in a gay relationship. As it stands, I am not."

Naruto tilted his head in question. "But I thought you and Gai-san…?"

Sakura punched him into the floor before he could further dirty her - already not-so-clean - image of her sensei. "Idiot… Hey, Ino, you all right over there?"

Ino looked like she had sucked on a lemon. Her Sasuke-kun, _girly_?

_But…but why?_

She had devoted her childhood and teenage years (so far) to a _girly guy? _What was wrong with her? Why hadn't she noticed it before?

"Okay," Ino declared confidently. "From now on, I'm going after Naruto instead of Sasuke. I _am_ interested in seeing those muscles you've described, Kakashi-san…"

Kakashi grinned and began walking out the door into the bright sunshine, his matchmaking for the day accomplished.

_It's mating season in the wild shinobi forest!_


	4. Of Responsibility and Advice

**A/N: I **_**am **_**on a roll. 6MML Chapter Four, here we come! (This chapter has a profusion of Sasuke. I apologize. He kept nagging me for some screentime.)  
Remember to review!**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or anything associated with it, including stupid diseases that kill hot missing-nin years before their time. Seriously, Kishimoto, that was downright _cruel._

**Six Months of Man-Love  
Chapter Four**

**Of Responsibility and Advice**

**-**

Sasuke was sitting huddled up on the cold wood floor of his parents' bedroom, eyes staring wide and unseeing at the dark, earthy red-brown of dried bloodstains in the center of the empty room. He'd been there for a good couple hours – well into the night – and he had no plan to leave his sanctuary anytime soon. Here, he felt closer to his older brother, and nowadays that was the only thing that could clear his mind. But it seemed that it wasn't working very well tonight; the conflicting thoughts swirling around his head hadn't let up since they began that afternoon in the hospital.

--

They wouldn't approve.

_They're dead._

They wouldn't approve.

_They're dead.  
_  
Uchihas enter into purebred, clan to clan, contractually bound marriages.  
Also known as _straight _marriages.  
Not man-to-man, clan-to-relatively-unknown-family, non-contract marriages.  
And most certainly not to a jinchuuriki.  
_  
But it's Naruto!  
_  
And you're an Uchiha.  
_  
Screw Uchiha! They're dead anyway!  
_  
Itachi's not. You owe it to him to have a good marriage.  
_  
But that's exactly why I _can_ have an unconventional spouse – I'm not the clan heir! Itachi was – and still is – so it's up to _him_ to secure the clan-clan marriage! The Hyuugas always wanted him to marry into their family, right? It's perfect!  
_  
You seem to forget that Itachi is sick with a debilitating disease that will kill him before he's 25.  
_  
He's 23! Surely, in all his physical prowess, he can knock up some Hyuuga before he kicks the bucket, damn it!  
_  
Everybody believes him to be an S-class criminal…because that's what he is. They wouldn't let him come within a mile of a clan-born shinobi unless that particular shinobi happened to be a hunter-nin.  
_  
But _I_ know the truth!  
_  
And how will that help? The godaime isn't about to reveal that devastating truth to the general public. Or even her most trusted ANBU, for that matter.

And anyway, Itachi's asexual.  
_  
Whaat? He is not! He had a girlfriend before he left!  
_  
They all say that, but you're his_ brother _and you never saw him with a girl besides his teammate, that Inuzuka. And if he's supposed to be in a clan-clan, contractually bound marriage, then why would he have a girlfriend? He would've had a betrothed instead.  
_  
Okay, fine. But he's not asexual. He used to be good friends with Hana-san – his teammate – and he told me once that they promised to give each other their virginity so they wouldn't have to lose it to some stranger their clan provided for their spouse._

_Does your silence mean I win?  
_  
Fine. But you still owe it to him-

---

Sasuke tuned his inner voice of common sense out. If his twisted sense had won over his supposedly perfect, righteous, _Uchiha_ common sense, it couldn't be that good after all. He'd go after Naruto.

Pushing himself up and walking across to the door, he pulled the heavy pieces of wood open and let himself bask in the starlight as he walked across the outdoor hallway into the main section of the house. Letting his thoughts turn to Itachi, he smiled softly. His brother was a true shinobi, sacrificing personal want in every way to follow through with his eleven-year-long mission. Talk about long term. Even Kakashi, one of the best jounin of the village, had only been on six-month missions at the longest. Eleven years…was unthinkable. And if the council had their way, it would be forever. Forever… forever hiding your true loyalties and wants under a mask of cruelty and bloodlust, a mask forming a personality so completely and utterly different than what lay underneath; a loving, caring brother whose favorite word was peace.

Climbing up the stairs, he walked along the hall and passed his bedroom door, choosing Itachi's bed tonight instead of his. He kept them all clean as could be – Sakura swore he was hiding an obsessive-compulsive disorder for cleanliness – and occasionally he would sleep in his brother's bed, reliving childhood memories of years long past. Tonight, he would go to sleep content, because tomorrow he would go to Naruto and ask the blonde if they could become a couple. And after that…well, who knows. But he definitely wouldn't be using Itachi's bed anymore – it was a single.

---

Sasuke had woken up an hour ago and was currently involved in research. Paper-shuffling, more accurately; he was going through the various personal journals and assorted colloquial tomes in the clan library. It was an old, stately building – by far the largest in the compound, taking up several mansion-sized structures – made of aged wood that time had treated well. It was one of the oldest buildings in the Uchiha sector aside from the clan meeting hall and was all the more honored and respected for it. The dusty shelves contained scrolls by figures ranging from the founder, Madara Uchiha – although some on the higher levels of Sharingan had mysteriously gone missing a few years ago - to the Sandaime Hokage, detailing everything from basic academy genjutsus like the bunshin and kawarimi to the most dangerous forbidden jutsus like the Kage Bunshin – banned because of excessive chakra depletion – and the Edo Tensei, banned because it reanimated the dead. The library was coveted by the Hyuugas and lusted after by the Hokage, because even though some of their own works were contained within its shelves, Sasuke had made the compound off-limits to anyone not of Uchiha blood. For him, the complex was reserved for the souls of all the people slain that fateful day, lonely and forlorn, and he wanted to make sure it stayed that way. It would hurt too much to see life in it again.  
He had placed barriers around the outside – not even the strongest shinobi could enter. The only person who had wandered the dark streets after the massacre was Sasuke himself; he hadn't even let Naruto, Sakura, or his sensei in to see where he lived in solitude.  
As such – lacking a proper parental unit to provide for him and teach him the ways of the ninja aside from the occasional jutsu Kakashi tossed his way – he had turned to this library as his teacher, and it had done well. It was his family, in a sense, and one of his sanctuaries. He was interested to see Naruto's reaction to it when he brought him over later.

Which brought him back to why he was here in the first place, buried under piles of paper and leather-bound diaries.  
Yes, his clan was almost all gone, but Sasuke still held pride in the Uchiha – not in what they were, but what they would _become_.  
So he would take advice from the ancestors of old…courting advice. He needed to convince Naruto that he really loved him, after all. This was going to be a major accomplishment.

Uchiha Sasuke, the cold heir to an even more frigid clan, was going to ask the blond dobe for a date.

Lions, tigers, and bears, oh my.


	5. Exceeding Expectations

**A/N: Wow, this totally ran away from me. Yum. Enjoy the man-heat, and remember to review! (The speed at which I'm writing this is absolutely astounding me – I've done…hmm…I think four chapters in four days? Normally I consider myself lucky if I get one a week. Now I'm all the more endeared to this story. Ho hum. I really hope you guys like what I'm doing here, though; I'm not that great at humor myself but this seems to be developing nicely. Tell me, would **_**you**_** classify this as part of the humor genre? (No, seriously, I really would like to know.))**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto nor anything associated with it, including nurse uniforms that no actual nurse would ever wear…at work.

**Six Months of Man-Love  
Chapter Five**

**Exceeding Expectations**

**-  
**

"Hey, Sasuke. What's up?"

Sasuke wrung his hands together mentally and bit his lip nervously, drawing a small speck of blood and coloring his pale lips a deep red.

"…Are you wearing lipstick?"

Sakura rolled her eyes and directed a halfhearted slap at Naruto's shoulder. "No, you big idiot, he's bleeding. Have your lips never cracked before?"

Sasuke straightened his back and brought a hand up disgustedly to wipe off the iron taste, but was halted in his action when a warm, strong hand took hold of his wrist and proceeded to push it to the side sexily. "Sasuke, honey, you should tell me if you hurt yourself. Nurse Naruko will heal all your ouchies!" He made a hand seal and poofed into a large-breasted blondie in a much-too-short white nurse uniform. Moving his face toward the paler one belonging to his love, Naruko was stopped and violently pulled back and thrown on the ground, a black-booted foot situated directly beneath her breasts.

"Naruto…" A familiar female voice warned. "I believe I made it clear in the hospital yesterday that I wanted to watch you guys get it on. You _guys._ As in… Two. _Men. _Change back! And stay in the nurse uniform!"

Naruko's eyes widened and she nodded fiercely in agreement from her position under her pink-haired teammate. "Yes ma'am!" With another seal, a white cloud surrounded Sakura's foot and the original Naruto appeared, all his male glory clad in a much-_much_-too-short, much-_much_-too-tight white scrap of cloth that promptly ripped at the chest, exposing Naruto's impressively muscular chest.

Sasuke's eyes widened and he had to suppress the perfectly reasonable urge to run his hands over the other boy's completely _ripped_ chest, instead choosing to rake over his love's half-naked form with his eyes.

The Sharingan was just so _useful_ when it came to memorizing something he wanted to remember forever. Like a jutsu. Or his teammate's drool-inducing, totally toned, half-naked body.

Sakura removed her foot from her teammate's now naked front and pulled him to his feet by the collar of the torn uniform – further jostling it so Sasuke was cruelly teased by the sight of that miniskirt just a centimeter from revealing what he really wanted to see – pushing him toward the hopeful Uchiha.

"You may continue. Just make sure I have a good vantage point to watch from." The pinkette had such a serious expression on her face that Sasuke was almost scared.

Naruto stumbled toward his friend and placed his hand on the raven's cloth-covered shoulders, bringing him close and angling their bodies to provide Sakura with a perfect view of…whatever they were about to do.

"Sasu-chan, are you still bleeding? I'll fix that right away, love."

Sasuke was taken off-balance by Naruto's newfound forwardness, but he closed his eyes and leaned forward ever so slightly in anticipation of what was to come.

Waiting in darkness wasn't easy, but all his pain and internal suffering that had built up over the last couple of days suddenly vanished when he felt a moist tongue drag itself wetly over his bloodied lips erotically. Leaning back in satisfaction, Naruto smiled. "There, isn't that better?"

His second of surprise having worn of, Sasuke reacted immediately and with a forcefulness that surprised even him. Hands springing up and pulling Naruto flush against him, he ground into the other ninja and captured his lips in a deep tongue kiss.

Sakura's eyes widened appreciatively and she sighed, a blush coloring her cheeks.

_And they really know how to put on a show, too._

---

Ino ran into the Yakiniku Q, panting as if she had just run from Hokage Tower. Which she had, actually, but that's just a technicality. "Hey! Tenten! Kurenai-san! You have _got _to see this! It's too good for words!"

The two women paused in their lengthy conversation on the topic of which type of kunai was better for mid-distance targets – a ferocious argument concerning a few types of lethal, exceedingly sharp knives and kunai that Shikamaru, Choji, Lee, and Neji had long ducked out of, not having the fortitude to discuss such a dangerous topic in the presence of two kunoichi who could use them better and in many more creative ways than any of the men at the table, especially if one of their teammates decided to disagree with their feminine opinion – and sighed when they realized they wouldn't get to finish their consultation. Perking up once they realized what she had actually said, they turned toward the blond, questioning expressions on their faces. "Hey, Ino. What's got you so fired up?"

Ino took the innocent question as an invitation to let her mouth loose and promptly informed her fellow ninja of the goings-on in the main square. "So you know how Team Seven had a total confession day yesterday, right? Well, Naruto and Sasuke are making out in the middle of the street with Sakura…um, supervising. They might as well be having sex in the middle of the street! It's seriously the hottest thing I've ever seen!"

Neji lifted his head up from where he had let it fall on the table after Ino burst in and decided to add his own two cents. "I suppose they _are_…quite well endowed, hmm…"

The piece of meat fell from Chouji's chopsticks in stunned amazement and Asuma frowned in suspicion when he realized what Neji had implied.

"Neji….have you…been getting a little _extra use _out of that Byakugan of yours? Because I'm fairly sure that counts as an invasion of privacy and is therefore illegal."

Neji frowned and turned toward Lee, intent on getting his teammate to distract the jounin-sensei when Kurenai tuned in to their side of the conversation with a gratified expression on her face. "Neji…you have _potential._"

Tenten nodded sagely in agreement, proud of her teammate.

"So, Ino," Kurenai continued, "Are you going to take us to see this spectacle? Maybe we could charge tickets to the show? We'd certainly bring in the mother lode, with those two…." she mused happily. "Okay, it's decided. Ino! Run to your shop and bring along the cash register as well as a sign and markers. Lee will go with you to carry the stuff." Turning to a skeptically frowning Lee, she added, "Think of it as a training exercise, honey! Gai-sensei will be very proud!"

"Some training exercise…" Shikamaru muttered. "Not even Lee would be crazy enough to do that."

Kurenai whipped around and gave him her version of the patented Uchiha Glare™ - and with red eyes, to boot. "Shikamaru…." She warned, her voice lowering dangerously. "Would _you_ like to help us out?"

Shikamaru grinned nervously and shied toward his ever-eating teammate. "No, ah, it's alright. You can go ahead and grab Lee for a while."

Tenten smiled, pleased, and got up from the booth, motioning for Lee, Kurenai, and Neji to follow her lead. "Let's go!

---

Afternoon found the two boys still in the midst of sucking each other's mouths off, a large crowd gathered around them. Sakura had long since commandeered a lone barstool from an innocent ramen stand and was sitting on it imperiously, hands clasped together, watching the proceedings with lust in her eyes.

Ino bustled about behind her with Lee following and carrying the cash register, which by now had been emptied five or six times of its ever-increasing load; in addition to the tickets the Yamanaka was selling at exorbitant prices, Tenten and Kurenai were weaving through the crowd and selling blown-up pictures of the two males in every single different position one could possible achieve while standing, generously taken throughout the morning by the ever-present Neji and his faithful camera. Sai was present as well, drawing commissions of the two ninja in increasingly sordid and various kinky poses for the hordes of fans – both girls, boys, seniors, and adults – that the scene had attracted. Anko had also been drawn to the area by the copious amounts of rumors and gossip and limited edition pictures and she now sat high above the crowd on a conveniently-placed telephone pole, getting a bird's-eye view and keeping an eye out for anyone who attempted to get in without a ticket – if they tried, they'd find themselves pinned to the ground with a dango stick or twenty. Anko took her job seriously.

Kakashi had also appeared next to the boys a few times, whispering different Icha Icha positions and scenes he'd like them to act out.

Sakura had punched him into the crowd the second time and he hadn't come back for more.

_Aaah, _she thought, watching her two teammates shift into a more comfortable position with one's leg pushing between the other's in a smooth movement, _this is the life._


	6. In Total Seriousness

**A/N: I hope you guys don't mind a little yuri. It popped into my head and seemed perfect.  
Anyway, hope you like this chapter…Got it done faster than most, so I'm kind of happy. And it's raining here, so I'm even happier. I like grey, rainy days. But on another note, I read a fic over the weekend that was absolutely spectacular (If anyone here reads SessKag, it's kind of like the HOtM of SasuNaru) – **_**Parallels**_** by QuestofDreams. I highly recommend it.  
Remember to review! (Sometimes when I read your comments I get ideas for the fic…especially KakashiKrazed's for **_**Breaking Point**_**)**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto nor anything associated with it, including the kyuubi's nine….tails. Yeah.

**Six Months of Man-Love  
Chapter Six**

**In Total Seriousness**

**-**

"Naruto…"

"Lee!"

"Sasuke…"

"Gai-sensei!"

A short pause.

"Naruto…"

"Lee!"

"Sasuke…"

"Gai-sensei!"

Sakura rolled her eyes and turned back to Ino. "So, then…What do you think I should tell them to get them to shut up? I wanted two gay men, not two gay _idiots_! Gai and Lee have created clones!"

Ino pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Forehead, have you ever wondered what's under those horrid green jumpsuits of theirs? Because I know I certainly have. Just imagine…they both probably have twelve-packs from doing those insane exercises day in and day out!"

"They aren't insane! They build youthful character!"

"Gai…" Ino warned. "Get over here! I need to yell at you and it won't work from that far away!"

"But my spring flower Yamanaka-san! I must finish my daily Youthful Embrace™ quota with Lee! And I must supervise Sakura-san's teammates to make sure that they're doing it correctly! –No, Sasuke-san, you must embrace with _passion! _Your knee between his legs! Your hands mussing up his wild blond hair! Your lips claiming his and eager to mark your territory! _Yes!_ This is true _romance_ between two young spring leaves of Konoha! Lee, you must watch and learn!" Gai ended his lesson monologue with a thumbs-up sign toward the two disinterested lovers and practically burst out of his jumpsuit in happiness.

"Yes, Gai-sensei! But…I find one thing to be unclear…Who am I to practice with?" lee asked his teacher forlornly, puppy eyes brought forth.

"Oh, Leeeee! I have the _perfect_ person! Strong, sexy, and delicious!" Tenten sprang up out of nowhere, dragging a struggling Hyuuga by the collar.

"Wait- But…no! No! Please, Tenten! Anyone – any_thing_ but that green monstrosity!" Tenten plopped him in front of her and mercilessly ignored his pleading.

"Oh, hush, Neji. You know you'll like it. Just call it 'training' if you're that embarrassed." She grinned and pushed her brown-haired teammate into Lee's waiting embrace. "What are you waiting for? Get started already!

Lee stood in salute, hugging his limp, disgusted partner to him awkwardly. "Yes, ma'am!"

Neji groaned, face flushing red as Lee accidentally touched his burgeoning erection.

_Why me?_

---

Sasuke smirked through their kiss. "It seems that Gai has taken an active interest in training our relationship. And Lee's. And apparently Neji, too. Personally, I wouldn't mind getting a look at whatever's under that white shirt…"

"And pants…" Naruto added, running his fingers through Sasuke's soft spikes.

"Right. And pants," the raven amended, laughing. "But no worries – I still love you the most, my little nine-tailed demon container."

"Sasu-koi, I don't-"

A sharp, disapproving voice cut off his confession. "Naruto! Sasuke! I do _not_ want to see lovey-dovey! I want to see fast and furious! Passionate and steamy! _No lovey!"_

"Ye gods, she's demanding." The Uchiha muttered in the blonde's ear. Raising his voice, he let Sakura know her boundaries. "Shut up, Sakura! We need to work up to it! We'll invite you over what we plan to take it to the next level, ok?"

"Hmph. Fine." Sakura grumbled, crossing her arms. "Go on."

Naruto grinned and squeezed his partner's ass. "Firm, yet soft…a masterpiece. And I regret to tell you that I do not have one tail, let alone nine. But…"

"I was referring to the kyuubi, Naru-chan."

Licking up a trail of sweat from the other's neck, Naruto continued. "I know, Sasu-chan. It's a good lead-in to my confession, though, so just listen, okay?"

The raven nodded and shoved his hand down his lover's pants.

"_Aaah!_ –Sorry. To explain… So did you know that the Kyuubi – and all the other tailed beasts – is totally proportionate?"

Sasuke frowned, squeezing harder. "By which you mean…?"

"I mean that the kyuubi has one dick for each tail."

"…You expect me to believe that the nine-tailed fox, scourge of the five ninja nations, sealed in _you_…has nine dicks."

"Oh, yes."

"What. The. Hell, Naruto."

"Definitely. And you know how its traits manifest in me – like the whisker marks, the eyes, the canines?"

"Yes….?" Sasuke asked hesitantly, not sure if he wanted to know whatever it was that the blonde was going to reveal next.

"Well, the best part is that I've been keeping my true self under a henge for my entire life."

Sasuke blinked slowly. "…Do I…want to know?"

"Probably."

"Oookay, shoot."

Naruto leaned forward secretively and lowered his voice so Sakura wouldn't be able to hear them. "I got 'em too."

Sasuke blinked again and let his mouth form a small smile, his eyes taking on a devious glint. "Do I get to see?"

"Hmm…" Naruto pretended to be taking a while to think it over. "I'd say…yes. At home. Alone. No Sakura this time."

Sasuke grinned and waved to Sakura before flipping his hand into a shunshin seal and disappearing in a rush of leaves.

He didn't feel Sakura grab on to his leg, but he would know once they got home that she didn't intend to miss any part of their fun.

---

Tenten sighed, drooling on Ino's shoulder, hearts in her eyes. "Oh, will you look at that. So heavenly. Luscious. Delicious. Sexy. Beautiful. Ripped. Toned. Hot. Hott. Hottttttttttt…"

Ino patted the older girl on the head emphatically. "Oh, I know. I can't believe how good that idea of yours turned out to be! Neji and Lee together is natural! And they're totally making up for all the years spent apart! –Oooh, nice one!" The blonde whistled appreciatively as Lee pulled on Neji's hair and forced his neck to be exposed, nibbling on the tendons. The brunette cried out and gripped onto Lee with newfound pleasure, kneading a green-covered back sensuously.

"Mmm…" Hinata unconsciously licked her lips from her hiding place around the corner, saring in the direction of her friends.

Ino noticed that they had acquired an observer and waved the girl over with a loud yell. "Come on over! It's free, it's public, and it's _steamy_!"

Hinata's eyes widened at the promise of steamy make-out sessions and a dance of lust and she walked forward, eyes focused on the lithe bodies in front of her.

Tenten laughed at Hinata's drool-worthy expression. "Feel free join us – we've been at this for hours!"

The Hyuuga heiress willingly took the invitation and threw herself at Ino, lips claiming what was rightfully hers.

"Gah! What? –Ooh, yes, like that…" Ino thrusted her hips up and ground her voluptuous breasts against the dark-haired girl's equally large bust. "Aaah, yeah…"

---

Neji smirked and whispered to Lee, "Think we should've told them that the only reason Hinata-sama ever followed Naruto was so that she could see his Sexy no Jutsu form again?"

Lee chuckled and attacked Neji's shoulders and neck with his tongue. "Of course not, my most youthful partner! While I admit it is wrong to lie, everybody needs some passionate love! "

"Oh, it wasn't a – _Oh, right there, yes _– lie, per se…simply a planned omission." He paused, pulling his fingers through Lee's black locks. "Hey! Don't stop now! I want more! _Lee!_"


	7. The Nine and Ramen

**A/N: Muahahahaha! Ten thousand words! …Not sure how the plot's going to go after this, though – any recommendations? (And sorry I had to cut off some stuff in here – remember, this fic is rated T, my friends! Leave it to your imaginations!)  
On an off note, I just read (yet another) good SasuNaru that's rooted in crack but also a really great read – _Dead Last_ by rosesareblue. I'm turning into quite a SasuNaru fan, aren't I? (And a word about the newest Naruto chappie – 469? I am horrified. Sakura, you're such a…a…wow, I don't even have a word for you. It's bad, though. Veerry, veerry baaaad. Live in fear.)**

**Remember to review!**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto nor anything associated with it, including Anko's mildly perverted tendencies concerning young genin about to enter the forest of death…

**Six Months of Man-Love  
Chapter Seven**

**The Nine and Ramen**

**-**

"Oooh, 'kashi….Come over here, sexy…"

Kakashi twitched.

"You know you want it…"

His hands began trembling.

"Can't you just imagine it? My hot body sliding sleekly over your muscled skin…?"

His mouth lay open beneath his mask in a silent scream.

_Anko, get the hell off of me! Please!_

The busty kunoichi straddled him from his place on the ground and pushed him against the rough bark of the tree, licking his exposed ear sensually. "I wonder what you look like with that mask down, _sensei_? You get off on that, right? Me calling you sensei and all? Because I've been hearing some rumors about you and the pinky…"

Kakashi cringed.

_Why me? Why Anko?_

_Why today?_

After all, he was on the last chapter of the latest Icha Icha and didn't really want to be interrupted…especially by the most insane kunoichi Konoha had ever produced. Sure, she had the body, and the skills, and the tongue, and the fishnet, and she read Icha Icha voraciously…but _still._

She summoned _snakes._ Whenever he looked at her, he saw Orochimaru. And he'd rather not do the horizontal tango with somebody that reminded him of the snake-bastard…although that particular snake-bastard _did_ give life to Tenzou…for which he was eternally grateful. That man was freakishly good in the sack.

Hmm. Maybe he could entice Anko to have a threesome with his former subordinate and himself? He hadn't had some good sex in a while, that was for sure, and those two were sure to satisfy every kinky urge nature could throw at him. Maybe Anko could summon a couple snakes…? Ooh, the possiblilities were endless.

It was decided.

"Anko, babe, let's go jump Tenzou and find a nice empty room for a couple hours. And if you could find a whip and a pair of handcuffs, I'll love you forever."

The black-haired woman grinned in response and leapt off him, latching on to his hand and dragging him off to places unknown…that would hopefully have a couple closets with various sexy devices scattered within.

---

Appearing in the middle of Sasuke's room in the Uchiha compound, the two heated boys were a little more than displeased to find that they'd unwittingly brought a drooling rosette, but once Naruto began unzipping and Sasuke's hands went to help him, they were more than a little distracted, allowing their teammate all the voyeuristic views she could've ever dreamed of.

"So, guys…what were you talking about Naruto having nine of?"

Sasuke didn't even spare her a glance as he managed to work Naruto's pants off and started on his partner's boxers. "Naruto's made this insane, completely ego-damaging claim that he has nine of what I have the misfortune to only have one of. I am simply checking to see if what he's said is true. So shut up and let me do it already."

Yanking the blonde's boxers down to reveal the most X-rated thing he'd ever seen – because his own didn't come anywhere close in terms of size _or_ color - he motioned to Naruto to undo the henge. Immediately, nine of the chosen appendages sprang into existence, ignoring all the laws of gravity or physical proportionment, stunning the last Uchiha into a daze.

Sakura leaned over and blushed. "Are all those really…real?"

Naruto grinned happily. "Glad to see that somebody finally appreciates them!"

With a loud slam and a torrent of heated giggles, the door to the room burst open, revealing a very flushed Tenzou and accompanying Kakashi, both dragged by a wickedly smiling Anko. All eyes were suddenly on Naruto's surprising amount of extra sexual organs and all three of the intruders blushed heavily, one licking her lips in thought. "Sorry to intrude – no actually, on second thought, I'm not sorry at all; that was _so totally_ worth the slight awkwardness – but we were just looking for a private room to have a little fun. We'll go now, bye!"

Another slam followed them out and team seven was alone once again.

"Wow. That kind of took the fun out of things."

A pouting blond, while on his Sasuke Uchiha List of Totally Drool-Worthy Scenes – numbers One, Two, and Three being Naruto naked, Naruto in a maid dress, and Naruto in the bathhouse surrounded by steam – was not what Sasuke wanted to see at the moment. No, what Sasuke wanted to see were those nine beautiful, pulsing, throbbing-

"It's okay, Naruto. We can just go out for ramen right now and get back to this later. You're going to need a decent supply of lube, anyway, so we can go out and get that after dinner. Come on – put your clothes back on and redo your henge. Let's go!"

A happy pink-haired teammate, while on his Sasuke Uchiha List of Totally Enjoyable Things – numbers One, Two, and Three being Itachi dead, Sakura dead, and Ino dead along with the rest of his bitchy fangirls – was not what Sasuke wanted to see at the moment. No, what Sasuke wanted to see were those nine beautiful, pulsing, throbbing-

Fuck.

Never mind. They were obviously not going to let him get any form of pleasure, enjoyment, or release tonight, so he might as well go along with the two idiots and get a free meal.

Oh, how he hated ramen. Always breaking him away from the most perfect moments…like what had been in front of him a few minutes ago….and that one time he had gotten Itachi cornered, Kisame had called out to the other Uchiha that the break was over and the ramen was ready, and so he should get his butt over here or his ramen would be eaten by yours truly – Itachi had been out of there in a flash, damn it.

_I hate you, ramen._


	8. One Week Later

**A/N: Welcome to the last chapter of Six Months of Man-Love, my friends! I hope this wraps it up – although you are free to have whatever sordid fantasies you please concerning the various pairings…(Speaking of random pairings, let me give you a list of them: SasuNaruSasu, Voyeur!SakuSasuNaruSasu, NejiLee, HinaIno, Wishful!NejiSasuNaruSasu, AnkoKaka, Voyeur!Tenten&!InoSasuNaruSasu. Wow.) Anyway, thank you all for every single alert, fave, review, and author alert I got due to this fic. Reviews are still welcomed! (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)**

**I am now devoting my writing inspiration to **_**Breaking Point**_** (my resident KakaIta) **_**Moments**_** (my ongoing series of oneshots concerning Itachi, his life, and random pairings) and my newest fic, **_**Uchiha Undercover**_** (solidly ItaNaru and hopefully a little brighter than BP).**

**And now I present to you…the disclaimer. Have fun with the last chapter!**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or anything associated with it, including make-up sex.

**Six Months of Man-Love  
Chapter Eight**

**One Week Later**

**-**

Ino sighed in happiness, fully sated for the night. Or rather, morning, seeing as the sun was now peeking out over the mountain in the distance, illuminating the Hokage heads. "Oh, Hina-chan, I never knew that you were so good in bed. You're even better than Shikamaru – and while he may seem lazy, he's absolutely _dangerous_ in the sack, so that's saying something!"

Hinata smiled shyly, trailing a slender finger down the sculpted lines of Ino's back. "You are too, Ino-san…"

The blonde grinned lazily. "Thanks! But it _was_ your idea to get these hotel rooms for everyone, so I still owe you. Take your time choosing what you want, though."

The Hyuuga heiress pushed herself up on one arm leisurely, the sheets slipping away to reveal a toned stomach. "It's alright; I'll decide now, if you don't mind. I'll take…you. In bed. Again. For the rest of the day. Or week. Or month."

"Hinata!" Ino giggled, splaying her fingers across the mattress sexily. "You didn't need to waste you wish on _that_! I was planning to do it anyways!"

The raven paused and flicked her hair over her shoulder. "So…that's a 'yes', then?"

The Yamanaka rolled over and straddled her, letting her blonde tresses create a curtain around their faces. "Oh, my, definitely. I can't believe you'd ever doubt me!" The kunoichi pushed her blushing friend into the pillows and threw off the sheets. "Time for some action!"

---

"Oh, Neji!"

"…Lee."

"Neji!"

"…Lee."

"Be youthful, my dear Hyuuga! You must say it with passion – 'Lee!' – or you will not be able to infuse it with the proper amount of devotion!"

"Lee, if that's your perception of love, we can just use mine."

"Oh? And what is your way of expressing the purest, truest love?"

Neji sighed and walked out of the bathroom where he had been admiring his hair. "Well, normally I'd say something like 'I was fated to love you, so get over it', but right now…hmm, I think this gets the message across."

And with that, he launched himself into the bed and flipped Lee over, pulling his ass flush against his groin. "Ready to feel some, uh, youth, Lee?"

The naked taijutsu master nodded happily. "Yes, please, Neji-sama!"

The Hyuuga prodigy grinned and thrust his hips forward.

---

"Well, well, sexy. Can you honestly say that this wasn't worth it?"

Kakashi watched Anko with half-closed eyes as she lazed across the pillow-strewn rug, two of her lithest summons coiling about her. "Probably not. I feel nigh on sacreligious for saying this, but that was even better than Icha Icha." Closing his eyes, he sent a silent apology to Jiraiya. Hatake Kakashi might branch out a little, but he'd always be Make-Out's number one fan.

"Of _course_ real sex would be better than Icha Icha, senpai; it's _real_."

Tenzou was sitting on the window sill, letting his exposed appendage hang out for all the world to see.

Kakashi glared at his subordinate. "I will have you know that Icha Icha is a work of art. And if you actually bothered to read them, you'd realize that there are some very creative positions and ideas we could experiment with."

Anko perked up, her bare breasts jiggling with every movement. "Really? And here I'd thought that we'd tried them all during the past week. You've gotta show us!"

Kakashi had known his prized possessions would come in handy once upon a time. And fortunately, that time was now. "Of course, of course…You'll see, Anko. By the time we're through, you'll have newfound respect for Jiraiya's imagination."

---

"Sasu-chan…"

The raven rolled over with a sigh to face his partner in love, war, and all things ninjalicious. "Yes, Naru-koi?"

The blonde sucked on his lower lip, a worried expression crossing his face. "I, uh…I think I'm pregnant."

Sasuke blanched, pulling away from his teammate. "…What?"

"That's what Kyuubi says, at least."

"But…but guys can't have children! It's a medical impossibility!" He was stunned. How on earth…?

"Yeah, well, nine dicks is a medical impossibility too, but thanks to the fox bastard I have them." Naruto groused, looking away with a scowl.

Sasuke's eyes widened, the blood draining out of his face. "This…this is karma, isn't it? It has to be. We never did anything to deserve this."

Naruto whipped around and threw himself on top of Sasuke viciously. "Did you just imply in any way that you do not want this child?!"

Sasuke winced, hands coming up to pull himself out of the chokehold his best friend and lover had put him in. "Hey, Naruto, it's okay, alright? We don't even know if you're really pregnant or not. Just because Kyuubi-"

"_Kyuubi does not lie,_" Naruto hissed. "He may be a vicious trickster and a sneaky little pest, but he _does not lie._ I am _definitely_ carrying a kid in here."

Sasuke gaped. "Oh, uh. Um? Yeah."

Naruto's eyes narrowed. "And _you_ are the father, so get your head together and accept it!" Sighing, he let go of the Uchiha and sat back down on the bed, making as if to take a nap so as to let his friend think everything over.

The raven leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes.

_I have a lover, and soon I will have a family. It may be a screwed-up family, but it counts. And having a child means…well, snot and diapers and waking up in the middle of the night and pregnant sex, but first and foremost it means an heir. I can finally fulfill my dream to revive my clan!_

Sasuke - feeling rejuvenated now that he would finally have an heir and Naruto would be the one to give it to him – sat up and sidled over to the blonde. "And here we told Sakura that it took six months of man-love to make a baby. It only took a week!"

Naruto grinned and fell back into his partner's embrace.

--

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_Owari_

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